Filipino Body Language and the Importance of Non-verbal Communication with your Filipina

 As you may have gathered, if you have been following my blog for a while, I can speak Tagalog, and I have even created a series of blog posts that touch on the subject of Tagalog grammar. Because I am interested in making my marriage with my Filipina not only work but actually thrive, I have been taking the study of the Filipino language and culture very seriously since I entered this relationship back in 2000. Now I am at a point where my wife and I can quickly and easily switch from Italian and English to Tagalog. Yet, being able to communicate verbally is just a tiny part of the equation of effective communication. Many experts talk about the idea that around 93% of human communication occurs through non-verbal cues and only the remaining 7% is accomplished through words. When I look at this issue through this lens I realize that my efforts to master the Filipino culture and language count for very little if I don't work on improving my non-verbal communication. So in this post

Why Filipino Migrants Should Know the Structure of their Native Language

My wife is Filipina and Filipino people have a lot of interactions with foreigners.

Millions of Filipinos live and work overseas and many Filipinas marry Western guys.

Why OFW should know the structure of their own language

I think one of the reasons why OFW struggle with the local language is because they don't know the basic structure of their own language, or at least the structure of the English grammar, if they prefer to communicate in English, as many Filipinos do and as my wife does.

For example my wife has been working in Italy for 20 years. She is very fluent in Italian and knows a lot of words but she just cannot write a letter, an email or, sometimes, even a text message in Italian without making big mistakes. And it is more or less the same with most Filipino immigrants whom I know.

Whenever my wife or any other Filipino whom I know need to fill out a form in Italian or write something they ask me for help.

I have only spent few months in the Philippines but I can write in Tagalog and if I lived in the Philippines I wouldn't need any help to fill out forms, write letters or do anything else that entails having a "formal" grasp of the language. I am not perfect but I can manage.

I am not trying to brag, I am just trying to make a point.

The reason why I have learned Tagalog relatively quickly and the reason why I can speak, read and write in this language is because I know the structure of my own language.

One who knows the structure of his/her own language can more easily learn another language to the point of being able not only to speak it but also to write in it, and one who lives overseas needs, as I've said, to be able to fill out forms, write resumes and so on, otherwise he or she will always be relying upon local people for help.

A Filipina married to a Western guy can become her husband's native language teacher if she knows the structure of her own language

One of my favourite topics in this blog is the Tagalog language and its grammar.

The reason why I am taking this topic very seriously is because communication is the key to a happy marriage and, as we all know, most relationship problems stem from poor communication.

Communication in a multiethnic marriage, like mine, is even more difficult. The "Culture Shock Philippines" book by Alfredo and Grace Roces says that native English speakers (or other Westerners who are fluent in English) who interact with Filipinos, who are, in many cases, rather fluent in English, can find themselves in the odd position of "speaking the same language while not being able to communicate at all".

Westerners who want to have a thriving long-term relationship with Filipinos can't rely too heavily on the fact that many Filipinos are fluent in English.

To really penetrate the Filipino culture and deeply understand the mentality a Westerner who wants to marry a Filipina or do business in the Philippines or have any other kind of long-term relationship with Filipinos needs to learn Tagalog (in my opinion at least).

The problem is that when I decided to learn Tagalog all that my wife was able to do was teach me a bunch of words but I needed more than that. I needed to understand the structure of the language and, neither my wife nor any of her friends was in the position to really help me because, although they can speak the language they suck at teaching it because they themselves don't know the structure of their language.

And it is pretty much the same here in Italy: most people here can speak Italian but they have a very poor knowledge of the structure of the language and so they can't teach their own language to others.

I know Filipino immigrants who have been working in my country for over 30 years and they still can't write a complete sentence in Italian without making mistakes and I know mixed Filipino-Western couples where the Western husband is neither trying to learn Tagalog nor is his wife actively trying to teach him or even able to do so.

This explains why I think Filipinos who want to live overseas or marry a foreigner would be in a better position to communicate effectively in a foreign environment if they first learned the nuts and the bolts of the basic structure of their own language.


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